


I'll be good

by taejjv



Series: Euphoria [2]
Category: The Boy (2016 Bell)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Crack Treated Seriously, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Kinda fluff, Little to no comfort, M/M, Murder, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Still learning how to tag, Torture, the abuse is not between the main pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28832367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taejjv/pseuds/taejjv
Summary: (name)'s life goes downhill when his toxic ex is back. He just wants to live happily while babysitting a (probably haunted) doll, is that too much to ask?
Relationships: Brahms Heelshire/Reader, Brahms Heelshire/You, Original Male Character/Reader
Series: Euphoria [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114037
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	I'll be good

[ Brahms x male reader one shot cause I'm hella bored and my fav wall man-child needs more Gay ffs. Just a heads up, the flow here is basically nonexistent ]

[ side note : Brahms in this do basic self care like taking the bath and shaving, I don't know if the canon smells nasty or not, he probably do but this Brahms smells wonderful ( not that wonderful but you get the point ]

_______________________

Working for the Heelshire isn't exactly part of the plan. The job was supposed to be Greta's, not (name) but he's desperate. 

Escaping from his abusive, possessive and a certainly nut case ex-boyfriend wasn't easy at all. 

( Especially when he's a dumb, very anxious, docile and submissive 5ft and 7 inch tall — he's a 27 years old man despite looking like a barely legal adult ( thanks to his baby face ) and he would kick your shin if you even dare to calls him a kid. 

But of course he did that his mind only because he's overly anxious, but you would get the hint that you pissed him off because he'll literally glare at you throughout the day. )

( As you can see (name) is a chaotic kid inside, his only obstacles from revealing his inner mentally unstable self is his anxiety, self- deprecating habits and he thinks too much about what other people thinks to do that )

and he's determined to not get caught. again. 

The first time he caught him, it was a very v̶i̶o̶l̶e̶n̶t̶ horrible memory that he didn't want to think about. 

He doesn't want to be in that toxic relationship anymore. It wasn't healthy and he had enough so when the fucker wasn't looking, he mustered his courage and slams a chair against his leg so hard that he could hear a crack but he doesn't even glance as he quickly gets out of the damn house with his bags that he had packed earlier. 

He is certain that one of his legs is broken— thank god for that. 

He wasn't confident with his strength because his body is far from brute or strong. He was glad that his chicken arms managed to break a bone despite the difference in strength. 

And no, he isn't a violent person. He's far from that actually, but this sorry excuse of a human being deserves way more than a broken leg after what he has done.

So if you ask him, it was almost merciful of him to let him get away with a broken leg and not take the kitchen knife and stabbed him. Not enough to make him bleed to death of course. 

Because of his act, (name) would be given at least a week to get away from the motherfucker. But (name) knows, he always found him one way or another. 

So, when he heard Greta was planning to work as a nanny at some rich people house that's located far away from his old house and also quite secluded, he quickly grasped the chance to flee from there. 

He even promised to give Greta the money he got from the job cause he, despite looking like an absolute hobo, he's in fact not broke at all. 

He had a stash of money carefully kept in a safe place, the amount of money he had s̶t̶o̶l̶e̶n̶ saved behind his ex-boyfriend's back since three years ago was massive, with that money, he'll get to live comfortably for another 60 years. ( Not like he's planning to live that long anyway. )

Well, as long as he didn't suddenly get addicted to drugs or gambling. If things don't go the way he plans, being a stripper is always an option — but that's beside the point. 

The benefits are great too. 

(name) got a safe place to hide, fortunately the contract says that he had to stay in the house while being a nanny and the groceries are even sent home so he doesn't have to risk going out and getting discovered. 

Greta will get the money without lifting a finger while she stays in the apartment he rented before taking Greta's job so that Greta can also get away from his ex-boyfriend who's also abusive. 

But no worries, (name)'s apartment is safe for her cause unlike (name)'s boyfriend, Greta's ex-boyfriend isn't that resourceful. 

The rich family also gets a capable and desperate nanny cause (name) is absolutely good with children no matter what age they are, surely taking care of a single eight years old boy isn't going to be that hard, and taking care of people. And also following the rules. 

Because he's a good oldest son of a family of seven, and a good student before Eric ( his ex boyfriend ) decided to casually waltz in and ruin his whole damn life. 

It's a totally win-win-win situation. 

So with a high spirit, he packed his bags and went straight to the heelshire house as soon as he got hired. 

To be honest, he isn't sure that he will get hired because well he's a male. And a male nanny is almost unheard of. 

But he got hired and that's all mattered. 

Meeting the heelshire couple for the first time and the first thing (name) thinks when he sees the boy he's supposed to be babysitting is — 'fuck. there isn't some supernatural shits going on, isn't it '

Because instead of, I don't know, maybe a shy young adorable kid, he was staring straight into the eyes of a doll. 

Okay he's not going to lie, the doll is cute and all but really, he's supposed to babysit a literal doll? 

Not that he minds that much, I mean he had that phase as a kid when he likes creepy pasta and exploring deep into the internet so things like this doesn't really bother him anymore. 

He's still crept out but that's normal. 

He was tempted to ask but looking at how the parents both treated the doll like their own son. Like a living child makes him hesitate so in the end he doesn't mutter a word except some greetings for Brahms. 

They asked him to spend the night before leaving tomorrow and (name) agreed without much complaint. 

He spent the time unpacking and trying to make a good impression on the old couple so they didn't change their mind about hiring him. 

The next day, he continues being quiet as he listens to the couple's instruction, because he doesn't like to socialize much, preferring being in a quiet place.

It gets weirder when they say that Brahms likes him after they had their personal time with Brahms before leaving. 

But people had their own weird quirk and (name) isn't one to judge. He had his own fair shares as well. 

There are some strange rules but he had heard something even stranger than that so he just jolted down the information on his small notepads because he can't remember shit to help himself. 

The rules 

×No Guests  
×Never Leave Brahms Alone  
×Save Meals in Freezer  
×Never Cover Brahms Face  
×Read a Bedtime Story  
×Play Music Loud  
×Clean the Traps  
×Only Malcolm Brings Deliveries  
×Kiss Him Goodnight  
×No boyfriends/Girlfriends  
×Never leave him alone  
×Never go in the attic  
×Help with studies 

[ note : not necessarily in order ]

The rules are strict, sure but (name) took the job and he's going to do it right. He wonders how Greta would survive with all these rules cause she's carefree af and he doesn't want to bad mouth, but Greta is far from a rule abiding person. 

After they go through everything again, the Heelshire couple left not before thanking him again. 

The old woman hugged him tight and whispered so softly that (name) almost didn't hear it but he did. The word "sorry" confused him but before he got to ask she parts away from the hug and proceeded to the front door. 

(name) bid them goodbye with a strained smile. 

If only he noticed the tired and guilty looks of the couple as they watch his back when he closes the door, he would bolt right out the door before it's all too late. 

As soon as he closes the door, he lets out a tired sigh. He stayed still for a minute before letting out a huff. 

At least he got away from Eric for the time being and it's not like taking care of a doll is hard. 

He looks at the clock, it passes noon and he has nothing to do so he quickly spent time walking around the house while mentally trying to remember the routes with Brahms in his arms to get used to talking to a doll and also because of the rule. 

For once, he's glad that his sisters forced him to play dolls and that he studied theater play in college so he treated the doll like a child almost naturally. 

The first few days are okay. He follows the rules — parts of it because he's a rule follower kind of a person (not really but (name) feels anxious if he didn't follow it and another part of him afraid that if the doll is somewhat haunted at least it might spare (name) )

It's almost one month and nothing eventful really happens. 

Talking to Brahms is even turning to a habit instead of a duty. Like he would randomly tell a story to Brahms and laugh to himself like it's the most normal thing to do.

And there's the delivery boy, Malcolm. 

Oh god, that man is so hot and nice. Not to mention that body of his, (name) is literally simping over him. 

He's totally (name)'s type but as much as he likes to kiss the man, he can't, he isn't ready ( he hates to admit it but he still gets fidgety everytime he thinks about Eric) , and the rule won't allow him. 

But that didn't stop him from telling Brahms about his little crush on the other man. 

At this point, he had told his whole life story to Brahms so it isn't really a rare occurrence but what's strange is things around the house started to get messy like a kid is throwing a tantrum. 

Papers, toys and other things are scattered. (name)'s things vanish into the thin air when he isn't looking. 

Once expensive vases crash onto the floor for no apparent reasons— (name) literally cries when it happens, sobbing nonstop while picking up the broken pieces despite them cutting his fingers. 

But the next day, the supposed broken vases are as good as new as if it never broke, he thought it was Malcolm because the other man did try to comfort him when he heard the news— he didn't think twice about the sorry sticky note he found that morning too busy feeling happy and relieved. 

The first few times, it happens (name) doesn't care much because he's clumsy and oblivious as fuck and he's sure it's just him being dumb as always. (not that it's wrong cause he really had talent in being dumb)

But then he got a fucking call and he literally sees a tear running down Brahms cheek when he enters the room after fetching the books he needs for Brahms's study. 

" Brahms doesn't like it when (name) talks about Malcolm. "

The boy had muttered into the phone and (name) gasped before rushing into the study room with the books just in time to see a tear run down Brahms's cheek. 

He should have really connected the dots, the mess happens everytime he talks to Malcolm far too long or when he talks about Malcolm to Brahms. 

He reacts like all human beings would. He let the books fall with a loud thud and without thinking he rushed into his room and locked the door. 

He jumped on his bed and slammed his face against his pillow while muttering 'fucks' all over again instead of a prayer. 

" (name)?"

(name) inhaled sharply as a child-like voice echoed behind the closed door and then he heard footsteps. He could see a small pair of shoes stopping right in front of his door. 

Brahms knocked on his door lighty and said something so softly that (name) had to strain his head in effort to hear what he said. 

" (name).. I'm sorry that I throw tantrums.. I'll be a good boy. Could you please come out? "

Hearing the child's voice sounds so sad hit (name) straight to the heart. He's supposed to take care of the child even if something completely out of this world happens, he had expected it anyway but it still shook him to the core. 

He calmed his heart down. It's his job and against all odds, he's grown quite fond of the other boy.

Yes, it's weird to grow fond of something like a doll that doesn't talk or do anything while you have to literally babysit it but (name) is just that weird. 

He's the type to either die first in a movie or survive till the end because the murderer somehow f̶a̶l̶l̶ i̶n̶ l̶o̶v̶e̶ grow fond of him or decide to show mercy for the walking disaster named (name). 

( name) slowly got out of the bed and despite the slight fear in him, he tried to talk as softly as he could. 

" B-Brahms. It's okay. I'm just… Surprised.. I'll be out later, you can wait in the study room. Just give me a minute, okay? "

(name) cursed himself out when his voice wavered a little, he watched Brahms' shoes from the gap under the door. 

" Okay.. "

Brahms softly answered and (name) watched as Brahms walked away from his door and back to the study room. 

(name) slowly opens the door when he is fully calm. He cautiously walks back to the study room. 

Brahms was there, sitting on a chair where he left him earlier, the only difference is the books that were scattered before are now neatly placed on the table. 

Choking out a small laugh filled with bewilderment, he walks closer to Brahms and carries him.

" Oh god. I can't fucking believe this. "

(name)'s lips quirked up as he stared at Brahms's face with a hint of amusement in his eyes. 

" You're just full of surprise, aren't you Brahms? "

Living in the house was so much more enjoyable than before. Instead of always talking to himself like a crazy person ( except the time where Malcolm decided to talk to him like the kind person he is. ) he talks to Brahms through the phone occasionally. 

For some reason, Brahms never did anything when he's looking, much more preferring to move or talk when he isn't looking. 

(name) didn't bother him by asking it's not like he was that curious anyways. 

Everything was fine, until Malcolm said that maybe (name) needs some rest in   
one evening. 

It was delivery day and (name) as usual chatted with Malcolm over tea time with Brahms sitting on a chair beside him. 

He acts like he always does, which is taking care of Brahms. Nothing unusual or out of place but perhaps — he may have been a lot more attached to Brahms than he's usual is

" What do you mean by that Malcolm? " 

He eyed Malcolm sharply while peeling off the apples for Brahms. Malcolm looks at everywhere but (name)'s eyes, he rubbed the back at his neck, a thing that (name) noticed that he did whenever he's feeling awkward. 

" It's just — I think you're too attached to Brahms. You should go out with me sometimes, remember the bar we talk about la—"

" Malcolm." he cut him off and Malcolm shut up, almost instantly. He let out a sigh. His hands stop moving and he puts the apple aside before focusing on Malcolm. 

" You know I can't right? There's rules and besides," (name) glanced shortly at Brahms. 

" Brahms won't like it. "

Malcolm stares at (name) like he'd grown two heads. He opened his mouth to say something and (name) waited but he only closed it again making a thin almost frown like line. 

The two of them stare at each other for a whole minute before he finally says something. 

" (name).. You know that Brahms isn't exactly alive you know? and it's not like it will hurt anyone by breaking a rule once in a while. "

Honestly, (name) really wanted to break the rule because no matter how obedient he is, it's still suffocating to follow the rules all the time. 

" Malcolm. I'm sorry but I just.. Can't.. " 

He bit his lower lips, thinking about his decisions before letting out a sigh. 

" Brahms is actually.. alive," (name) took a deep breath, "He's not just… a doll...and before you think that I'm crazy or something, I can prove it."

(name) stood up and picked up Brahms and proceeded to Brahms room followed closely by Brahms. 

He put him down on the floor and marked the floor with chalk he kept in the drawer. 

Malcolm watched him silently, his eyes full of disbelief and worries, no doubt thinking that (name) had gone crazy after a month of taking care of a doll alone in a mansion. 

When (name) finished drawing the line around Brahms, he put down the chalk and held Brahms hand. 

" We talked about this before, didn't we Brahms? You just have to move a bit for me.. If you listen to me, I'll give you a reward okay? "

(name) whispered softly. He let go of Brahms hand and excitedly ushered Malcolm out of the room. 

They went into (name)'s room and closed the door. 

" (name) are you sure— " 

" Shh! Just watch. "

Malcolm sighed but obeyed the shorter. The older of the two, knocked on the wall, his smile widened when he heard a shuffles. 

Malcolm stared at him with disbelief, the both rushed out of the room and into Brahms's. 

" What the— "

Brahms was nowhere to be seen. (name) let out a laugh as he watched Malcolm look around in disbelief. 

" Where's he? " 

" I don't know! It's always a different place each time! "

(name) let out a laugh as he was lightly carried and spun around by Malcolm. When they stopped, his face was far too close to Malcolm's face. Their eyes met. 

(name) blushed slightly and looked away.   
His sharp eyes quickly caught the sight of Brahms at the back of the door staring straight at them. 

" Brahms, there you are! "

(name) exclaimed and rushed to carry him.   
Malcolm joined him, his face unreadable. 

" Malcolm? "

(name) called out, his face full of confusion as he looks at Malcolm's strange expression. 

" (name).. We need to talk. "

After (name) put Brahms on his bed, he joined Malcolm in the bar located somewhere near the living room.

He quietly sat beside him and sipped his drink.

" (name).. I need to tell you something about Brahms.. " 

(name) looks up in surprise. Malcolm almost never shares Brahms' past to him. Except the fact that Brahms died in a fire at the age of 8. 

He straightened his back, paying more attention to Malcolm's words. 

" Brahms.. He wasn't really a normal kid… On his 8 birthday, a few days before his death, a girl was killed. She was bashed in the head with a rock and there's already rumors about Brahms killing animals and he wasn't really well liked among the people. "

Malcolm paused as (name) gasped. His face filled with horror. 

" You don't mean.. "

(name) muttered and Malcolm nodded his head. 

" Yes.. He was suspected to be the killer. "

" But he's only eight! How could —"

" The evidence all pointed to him and the girl's mother was really mad. She legit goes crazy. And the fire accident, it was caused by her. "

After Malcolm finished his story, neither of them talked. thousand of thoughts rushing into (name)'s head. 

" (name).. I just want to know that whatever that thing is.. It isn't good. "

" But—"

" I'm just worried about you okay? Think carefully, I don't want you to get hurt. "

(name) looked down. His fist clenched tightly. 

" Okay.. "

Unbeknownst to both of them, Brahms heard everything they were talking about. 

_______________________

After that day Malcolm visits more often. They didn't really do anything just chatting or playing games that Malcolm brought since (name) can't really go out. 

It was fine until today, a certain demonic being decided to show up in front of (name). 

and no it's not Brahms. Compared to this demon wearing human's skin, Brahms is far more angelic. 

(name) was just humming some tunes as he spent his free time reading when he heard the kitchen's door open. 

Malcolm did say he was coming to deliver the groceries but (name) didn't know it was this early. He hoped off the chair with a smile on his face. Brahms was in his arms like he always is. 

" Malcolm! Yo— "

" Who's Malcolm? "

(name) froze. The male in front of him smiled widely. He closed the kitchen door behind his back and took a step closer to (name).

" Miss me, (name)? "

Actually I didn't motherfucker 

Eric's voice was as deep and venomous as before. His legs look fully healed and his body a healthy colour of tan and have just the right amount of muscles. He was much more muscular compared to (name)'s noodle like body. 

But behind that gentle smile, he was a sadistic monster who deserved to die. 

(name)'s body started shaking and he held Brahms tighter as Eric walked towards him.

He flinched violently when Eric caressed his cheek. 

" Is this the kid you're babysitting?" 

Eric whispered, his hot breath tinted with a hint of cigarette smoke hit (name)'s face. 

it feels so familiar. The pain. The tears. The pleading. everything hurts and (name) just wants it to end. please PleaSe nonOnoNono—

" (name) "

(name) shoot back to reality when he heard Eric called him. 

" E-eric what're you doing here?"

(name) stuttered out. He bit down his lips while cursing himself. — way to go dumbass 

Eric chuckled, if not because of his vile personality (name) might as well swoon but he's a satanic being so (name) instead pray for his death. 

" You're asking a stupid question, darling." 

The pet name rolled out of his tongue easily, sounding pleasant to the ears — used to before he turned bad. 

He knows he's bad mouthing Eric for a while now, but that dude deserves it and (name) held a deep grudge. 

(name) nervously smiled as he stepped back but flinched slightly as he saw how Eric's expression darkened the moment his fingers left (name)'s cheek. He's still smiling though (name) could tell it's fake. 

Eric clenched (name)'s shoulder with unnecessary force causing the much weaker man to wince at the pain. 

" You know exactly why I'm here. "

He reached out and twirls a strain of (name)'s hair and lightly pressed his lips against it. His eyes stare at (name)'s face piercingly. 

" You ran away from me when it's clear that I told you not to. Is it fun playing hide and seek with me? You know that I always found you. Do you want the past to repeat? "

(name) shuddered as he remembered what happened, he was chained to the bed for days, beaten, sore and starved, he was soon released after begging nonstop and admitting his mistakes. 

" I don't want to hurt you. But if you continue to disobey me I have no choice (name).. You even broke my legs, I think you need some discipline to do.. "

Tears pricked in (name)'s eyes, his whole body shaking as his breaths quicken. He could tell he's going into a panic attack. 

He's alone. He's always alone. Fake friends, nonexistent family, a bad past that he prefers to forget and a satan for a boyfriend— no wonder his head is a little fucked up But Eric is all (name) have. He's the only one who knows all (name)'s bad habits and stays with him. 

There's pain. There's tears. New bruises every single day. Punishment for things he don't know or can't control. 

But he still stays because he knows there's nothing for him out there. It feels alone with Eric but at least Eric cares for him, in his own ways although it hurts and again (name) wasn't one to judge. 

He just didn't care much and a part of him that he refuse to knowledge thinks he deserves it for all the shits he has done. ( it ain't much really but (name) is the walking definition of self blame )

Then, he could feel Brahms's cold porcelain cheek against his neck and suddenly he's aware of everything. 

He's not alone. Not completely safe, danger is right in front of him but Brahms is here. He's here and it's all that matters to him now. He's not alone anymore. 

— It feels wrong to seek comfort in a literal haunted doll but (name) would choose to live with Brahms anytime. His friendship with the boy feels more real than any friendships (name) had. 

He took a step back this time, his eyes met Eric's. 

" No. "

Eric's smile that he always wore faltered — (name) almost though it's stuck because he never stops smiling. 

" Cares to repeat that?," 

Eric's voice was hard and he could tell that Eric is warning him but (name) for once was determined and brave. Brave especially and the word is never associated with him before. 

" I said no. "

Eric's jaw clenched, he's now frowning and when he took a step closer with the gaze of a predator (name) didn't back down, he held his gaze unflinchingly. 

" Darling , you're testing my patience. Back down or your punishment will increase, this time I won't let you go easily,"

" My answer is still no. We're over Eric. I'm done with this toxic relationship. "

Eric let out a growl at that and (name) mentally applauded himself for not flinching. 

" You—"

" What's going on here? "

Malcolm's voice shut both of them off. (name) almost let out a sigh of relief but he knows better to do that. 

Eric averted his gaze from (name) to Malcolm and (name) took the opportunity to step away from him which earned him a glare from Eric.

" Nothing to worry about, and who are you if I may ask? "

Eric's gaze was sharp and dark but his voice is gentle and sickly sweet. His ever so sweet smile was now present, his anger vanishes, leaving no trace behind.

Malcolm visibly tense up at the glare he was receiving. 

" I'm Malcolm, (name)'s friend and the delivery boy for this house. "

Malcolm answered, his voice held a sinister tone in it. He eyed Malcolm as if judging him.

" A friend. I see.. "

He took a step back from (name) and instead stood facing Malcolm. He held his hand out.

" Eric, (name)'s boyfriend. "

Malcolm took the hand and shook it, refusing to falter even for a second. They both stared at each other for a second, their grip tightening a little before fully letting go of each other.

(name) stood behind Eric and tried to calm himself down. His thumb rubbing the back of Brahms' clothes (suit?).

Eric let go of Malcolm's hand and with an obviously strained smile, he stepped back into (name)'s personal space and stared at Malcolm, his gaze clearly showing hostility.

(name) fight the urge to flinch when Eric's body brushed against his. He took a deep breath and smiled nervously. His trembling hand grasping Brahms's suit tightly.

" M-Malcolm let me help you arrange the grocery. "

(name) quickly said and rushed out eager to leave Eric's side. Malcolm gave Eric one last glance before following (name).

_______________________

" Are you sure you'll be okay (name)?," Malcolm asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern," I could make him leave if you want."

(name) shook his head, as much as he wants Malcolm to make Eric leave he can't, he doesn't want to drag Malcolm into his problems. Who knows what that psycho will do if he runs out of patience.

" It's okay.. I'll be fine. Thanks for the offer though. "

(name) gave him a smile trying to reassure Malcolm. He gestured to Brahms in his arms.

" Beside I have Brahms with me. "

Malcolm looked at him, still worried yet he doesn't want to cross the line and he has no right to bother (name), he's just a friend and nothing more.

' friend ' that word makes Malcolm feel uncomfortable. But that's the reality, he could never be more.

Malcolm let out a sigh. He gently pat (name)'s back.

" If you need any help, just call me okay?"

(name) nodded. Tears pricked his eyes at Malcolm's concern. It's been a while since someone treated him this gently.

" (name). "

Eric's voice echoed from behind (name), (name) turned around to see him standing in front of the front door with his hands crossed against his chest. 

(name) got the hint, he clenched his fist, nails digging his palm in effort to prevent himself from crying. He looked back at Malcolm and waved his hand. His lips formed a pained smile.

" Bye Malcolm. "

Malcolm waved back and gave him one last worried look before entering his car and driving back to the town.

(name) took a deep breath, he calmed down his raging heart and walked back inside.

_______________________

The tension in the living room was heavy and the only thing that's keeping (name) calm is Brahms. 

He put the boy in his laps and eyed Eric that was sitting not far from him. A glass of champagne in his hand. 

" umm.. Eric? "

(name) called out. Eric raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his champagne.

" When are you going back? "

please go back. pleasepleaseplease—

Eric chuckled at the question. He put down the champagne on a table.

" When did I say I'll go back? "

Eric walked closer to (name), he caressed  
(name)'s cheek and pull his head closer. (name) turned his head avoiding Eric's lips.

Eric tightened his grip on (name)'s hair and pulled it back. (name) cried out in pain.

" Don't you dare avoid me. "

Eric said harshly before letting go of (name)'s hair. He looks down to see the doll (name) has been holding from the start.

" Is this the kid you've been babysitting?," Eric chuckled under his breath before continuing, " A doll? "

(name) glared at Eric. He pulled Brahms closer to his chest. 

" So what if he's a doll. I liked him better than you. "

" Oh? "

Eric's tone was dark and (name)'s face paled seeing his face. He flinched hard when Eric reached out to him, expecting Eric to hit him but instead Eric yanked the doll away from him. He holds the doll with one arm and swings it around.

" He's quite light for a doll. "

" Give him back! "

(name) yelled trying to take Brahms back. Eric just laughed and grabbed (name) by the hair before dragging him into a room.

Tears gathered in (name)'s eyes at the pain. He gritted his teeth and tried to match Eric's pace to lessen the pain.

He was tossed into a bed. He looked at Eric in horror as Eric pulled a chair out, facing the bed and tossed Brahms onto it.

" Please no.. Don't do this Eric. "

(name) pleaded as he scooted back, his back hitting the back frame. Eric loosen his dress shirt as he crawled on the bed. He grasped one of (name)'s legs and dragged him down. (name) tried to push him away, tears now streaming down his face. 

" Nonono— Please at least not in front of Brahms. Please.. "

Eric smiled and tore (name)'s shirt. He pushed down (name)'s arms and kissed (name)'s neck.

" I'm sure Brahms will enjoy the show. Beside, I think you have tons of punishments in due "

(name) cried out in pain when Eric bit down his neck, his teeth breaking the skin. Blood dripped down onto the bed messing the pristine white sheet.

He could feel Eric's hand slide lower and lower. (name)'s breath quickened, his body trembling and mind disarray. His heart feels as if it will burst out any moment now.

It's suffocating. 

He can't breath. 

Why can't he breathe? 

( — He remembers the collar around his neck. He remember licking Eric's shoes, begging for mercy all the while kneeling like a dog. ) 

He has to get away. 

He needs to get away. 

( —The sound of bone breaking as the bat hit his legs are loud, he crawled on the floor trying to get away, but the bat was brought down again and again and again )

But the grip on him is tight, he can't move. letgoletgoletgo

Black and white lights flashed in his vision and there's someone yelling. The pressure on his skin disappears but he still can't breath. The noises around him just sounds like constant static background noises that seem so distant. Everything is so foggy.

( (name) is drowning. Water filled his lungs. Every breath he takes is water. He felt the sharp pain on his head as Eric slams his head down into the water again )

He felt hands groping him. Engulfing him.   
It feels gross. 

( He heard the camera click in the background as the man thrust inside him. There's another man in front of him, fucking his mouth. He couldn't see, couldn't think, he just wants it all to stop )

Someone make it stop—

His chest hurt so much he feels like dying. He doesn't want to die ( d̶o̶e̶s̶ h̶e̶ r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶? ) so he fought it. Why can't he—

He could feel his nails scratching his neck and it hurts. But it still feels like an invisible rope was tied tightly around his neck. —makeitstopmakeitstop

no—

( (name) heard Eric's laugh as he scream out when another nails was ripped off )

stop!

( (name) felt so hungry. His stomach rumbles loudly. He heard the footsteps and the sound of a door opening. He doesn't hear what Eric says, the hunger clouding his mind. His lips move before his mind could register — " sorry. won't do it again. I'll be good. I'll be good. sorrysorrysorry " )

Why is this happening whywhywhy—

( (name) cries out in pain when Eric pulls the rope. His feet left the floor. He choked and struggled as his air supply was cut off. He could hear Eric's laugh. )

it feels like dying, 

he

can't 

breath

-

(name) felt soft gentle fingers touching his cheek. He flinched hard thinking it was Eric ( nonono ) but it was soft and gentle — it'snotEric

(name)'s vision is still blurry but he could gradually feel the warmth engulfing him. 

( " Breath " — he heard someone say. A hand holding his. A heartbeat. He follows it. ) 

(name)'s breath is still erratic but he slowly calmed down. The hold on him is gentle, unlike Eric's bruising touch. 

" (name).. focus on my voice okay? "

The person's voice is deep and rough. His fingers brushing (name)'s hair away from sticking to his wet face.

The touch is so so warm. ( — unlike Eric's cold painful touch.) (name) unconsciously snuggle closer to the person's open palm. There's a sharp metallic scent but (name) mind is still too foggy to register the smell.

The person chuckles and slowly guides (name)'s face so that they're eye to eye. 

" Tell me what did you see.. "

The person whispered, he guided (name)'s fingers to his face. (name) felt cold porcelain like the surface touching his fingertips and slowly put his palm on it. 

(name) slowly trace his fingers on the person's skin. It helps him focus and his mind gradually clear up.

He blinks trying to clear his vision, his breath now even out. He could finally see the person's face and widened his eyes seeing the somewhat familiar face.

"..Brahms? "

(name) whispered in shock, his voice rough and he winced at the pain in his throat.

Brahms nodded and (name) backed away automatically in shock, the quick movement made his head dizzy a bit.

" Your voice.. "

" Yes? "

The once deep voice somehow turns childlike similar to the voice (name) spent time talking to on the phone.

The sudden news of Brahms being a human and not a doll. 

And he's an adult human not a kid.

He's bigger than (name), easily towering over him and oh god he could snap my neck in a sec with those hands.

(name) looked away trying to process the information when he saw the doll— Brahms still sitting on the chair.

He pushed — 'the fake' his mind supplies— Brahms away and ran to Brahms. 

He froze when his eyes registered the blood. it's red covering the floor. His body goes rigid as fear overtakes his mind. 

" What? "

(name)'s voice cracked. It's too much. He backed away and almost slipped down onto the blood coated floor if not because of bed behind him.

He felt lightheaded again, his heart thumping loudly. 

" (name)..? "

He ignores the man behind me and instead stares at the unmoving body on the floor. 

" I-is that..? "

His mind races as he takes in the new environment. He couldn't handle this. He was almost raped, had a full blown panic attack, there's two Brahms and now a dead body.

A broken painful chuckle left his sore throat before it gradually became louder.

His stomach suddenly feels funny, it feels like everything is just one big bad joke, as if his whole life is just a circus show with him in the center.

What the fuck is happening? He doesn't know anymore. 

His life has always been a rollercoaster and bad luck is his middle name. Even after all the shits that happen to him, he still tries to be strong. 

Working since he was young to support his family, taking over the mother role to take care of his siblings so his parents can rest, studies until his nosebleed so he can get a nice paying job and his hard work pay off, his family got to live a comfortable life.

But not even three years of living comfortably pass when Eric comes to his life and everything goes downhill. 

He was taken away, all connections with the outside world cut off and beaten black and blue.

All of this because he gained the attention of one Eric Miles.

( what a fool he is to stay even after he sees the first red flag. Should have run when he first hit you, should have run when the gentle grip turns tight and always bruising, shouldhaveshouldhave— ) 

Even then, he still looks for ways to escape the hellish life. Two escape attempts each one ended terribly but he didn't give up. He endured the abuse and patiently waited for another opportunity. 

Oh the joy he feels when he escapes is unexplainable. He still can't believe it even after weeks of that one fateful day. Looking behind him every minute as if Eric will show up and take him away.

And when everything is becoming better, when he finally could calm down and be happy, the god decided to fuck over his life again by sending one satanic being called Eric. 

There's much he could take before he   
b r e a k 

_______________________

He laughs and cackles like a mad person. He falls to his knees and the blood seeps through his pants, soaking his legs with blood.

His throat hurts with the force of his laughter. He feels tears streaming down his face. 

He flinched away when he felt someone touching him. He snapped his head up, glaring at the bigger man. The man ( He refused to call him Brahms ) backed away as if he was psychically hurt.

" Are yo— "

(name) ignores the man and looks back down to his blood soaked lap. His hands gripping his hair. Blood ran down his hand and onto his face.

" Should've known. Should've known life would have fucked over one way or another. " 

A short chuckle left his lips as he trembled with emotions he couldn't name. 

" Such a fool to think that I could live peacefully " 

He closed his eyes and sobbed softly. His hand covering his face. 

" Why did I even try? "

.  
.  
.

" (name) is precious to Brahms.. "

(name) froze when the ever so childlike voice he had begun to love echoed in the room. 

He could hear the man's footsteps approaching him. The man kneels down, close but the space between them is enough for it to not be overwhelming.

" Pretty, kind (name) makes I'm happy. I wish (name) to be happy too. So I fix the vases and tries to be good for (name), when— "

He pauses. The man's huge body tremble in emotion (name) did not know. He could see his clenched fist from the corner of his eye. 

" When the man touches (name), Brahms was so angry," the anger in his voice surprised (name), it sounds as if it was barely contained, " but I endures it. But when I hear (name) cries, I just lose control. " 

He makes the motion as if he's choking someone. His bloody hands were full in view as he imagined the sound of Eric choking.

" Everything seems like a blur but Brahms remembers his scream. Thinking what he had done to precious (name) makes me violent. "

The man brought his hand down and looked down as if ashamed.

" I- I thought you will feel better when I get rid of him. But (name) is screaming. So so loud. A-and he-, " He paused, taking a deep breath as his voice became shaky as if he's second away from crying, " Y-you weren't breathing properly. Too quick that Brahms is afraid that you will d-die "

" Brahms can't live without (name). Everyone close to me always seems to leave. Even mommy and daddy. "

' Is that tears? ' (name) though as he watches tears drop down from behind the mask.

" I tried my best to calm you down like what mommy and daddy did for me when I have nightmares and when calms down it makes me happy cause (name) gets better because of Brahms! "

The man- No- Brahms giggled like a child as if proud of himself. (name) finds himself calming down as he hears the story. His tears now completely dried. He frowned unconsciously when Brahms suddenly looked sad.

" But then you pushed me away! That makes me wonder if I did something wrong. It gets worse when you laugh when you see the body. It was so scary. Brahms is scared that (name) has gone crazy. " 

(name) feels his face get hotter as he remembers his outburst, it must have seemed insane to people watching.

" This may sound silly but you make my life peaceful, I wish yours the same but Brahms is sorry to hear that (name)'s life is not peaceful. But I wish to make your life better so please can you give me a chance? I promise I'll be better. I promise to behave " 

Brahms grasp (name)'s hand, his huge hand covering (name)'s much smaller hand.

" I love you, (name) "

(name) stays silent, He looks up and stares at Brahms masked face.

" I'm sorry but I just can't.. "

Brahms seems dejected, although his face is masked, (name) could tell from his body language, but before Brahms could take his hands away, (name) tightened his grip.

" I don't want to admit it but Eric fucked me up good. I'm not ready for a relationship yet but maybe.. Maybe one day we could try it.. No offence though but I still feel uncomfortable because I always see you as a child so we might not have a romantic relationship.. "

(name) chuckled. He smiled to himself.

—It's weird to react like this to a person who appears out of nowhere claiming he's the child he had been babysitting all this time. But (name)'s life had never been normal ( After the abuse he endured, he wasn't even sure if he's even sane ) and Brahms has been kind to him in the few months they have lived together compared to the years he lived with Eric.

" Then I'll wait. As long as (name) stays. "

Brahms whispered, his child-like voice gone replaced with a deep smooth voice clearly belongs to an adult.

(name) smiled and stood up. He cringed as he felt his pants stick to his legs. He almost vomited when he remembered the blood. 

" Now we should clean this mess "

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if the panic attack is accurate. I can't find any guide on the internet of how it feels to have a panic attack. Sorry for all of the grammar mistakes.


End file.
